How Music is the Soundtrack of Our Lives

 

 



            It’s been said that music is the universal language. History has proven that it is timeless in its impact on the human spirit – from the likes of Friedrich Nietzsche who philosophized, “Without music life would be a mistake.” – to former President Ronald Reagan who proclaimed, “Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music.” And start the music human society did. Ever since, in the history of music and in the history of mankind, life and music have been simpatico. Our lives have defined music, and music has defined our lives. Music does indeed form the soundtrack of our lives.

            Famed contemporary musical artist, Paul Simon, wisely suggested, “Music is forever; music should grow and mature with you, following you right on up until you die.” Our taste in music does mature and change as we mature and change. As babies, lullabies soothed us. As children, silly songs that were interactive and involved play and fun were our musical preferences. We enjoyed S’Mores around a campfire while singing “Cumbaya, My Lord”. We had mischievous fun while standing in line at the summer camp dining hall singing, “Great green gobs of grimy, greasy gopher guts, and here we stand waiting to be fed.”  We played with music by singing and dancing the Hoki Poki, the Mexican Hat Dance, and stomping and clapping along to “If You’re Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands.” I was probably about 12 years old before I truly noticed the effect music had on the human psyche, and that I could enjoy it without fun dances and activities to accompany it. I remember hearing Perry Como singing “Catch a Falling Star and Put it in Your Pocket and Save it for a Rainy Day.” I immediately took notice that the song made me feel happy and was even inspirational to my young mind. That was one of the first moments in my life when music defined me, and I defined the music. It was the beginning of the soundtrack that would continue, from that moment on, to accompany my life.

            However, as we grew into teenagers and young men and women, we hadn’t put aside all musical fun and games. We discovered that we still liked to play with music. We discovered mystery in music, and it became a fun challenge to try to solve the mystery. For instance, has anyone ever solved the mystery of what Mick Jagger is saying in some of his lyrics in “Jumping Jack Flash”? Speak English, Mick! In her song, “Respect”, what precisely is Aretha Franklin saying in the lyric immediately following “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”?  E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-E, Aretha! One would have to Google the lyrics to solve the mystery. Perhaps it’s more fun just to guess.

            And then, of course, there was always the ultimate fun musical mystery challenge for teens and Generation X’ers of detecting the alleged subliminal or hidden message in Backmasking. Sometimes referred to as Backward Masking, Backmasking is a technique in which a message is recorded backwards on a track that’s meant to be played forward. The technique was initially popularized in 1966 by the Beatles who allegedly, either intentionally or unintentionally, used backward vocals on their album, Revolver. About ten years after the murderous rampage of Charles Manson and his “family”, it was reported, founded or unfounded, that evil propaganda messages were detected in some Beatle songs. Manson perpetuated the mystery and controversy by proclaiming that the Beatles White Album contained metaphorical messages that would “set up things for revolution – the battle of Armageddon.” Manson even lent his own interpretation to the Beatle lyrics, “Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these broken wings and then learn to fly / All your life you were waiting for this moment to arise.” Manson believed them to mean that the black man was going to arise and overthrow the white man. He absurdly suggested that the Beatles were trying to initiate a race war. Supposedly evil messages were also detected in the music of Black Oak Arkansas, Electric Light Orchestra, Led Zeppelin, and Queen. Such intriguing mystery and fun there was in trying to hear the alleged satanic messages in the music of  the aforementioned musicians by playing the music backwards – a task accomplished by setting the speed of the turntable in a neutral position and then manually spinning it backwards at a speed that made the vocalist’s voice and the hidden message discernable. Indeed, even when we were no longer children, we hadn’t given up childish ways. – We still “played” with music.

            As we progress through our lives, and as we reflect on past moments in our lives, most of us discover that music both accompanied and defined the most momentous occasions. In my personal reflections, I recall, as a new teenage driver, driving too fast and singing along as The Angels’ “My Boyfriend’s Back” blasted from the car radio. I flipped my car. The car was damaged, but I was physically unscathed. The irony lies in the fact that the otherwise normal silence that typically follows the shock and confusion from such an accident was broken by The Angels melodiously and rhythmically warning, “…..and there’s gonna be trouble.”  Music – the soundtrack of our lives!

            When I was going through a particularly devastating divorce, I was quite the drama queen and experienced a great deal of self pity in the initial stages. It was not uncommon for neighbors to hear the husky, whiskey-throated vocals of Janis Joplin lamenting “Take another piece of my heart, baby.” Ah yes -  music – the soundtrack of our lives!

            As a young divorced woman and single mother of both a baby and a toddler – struggling with a full time teaching position while simultaneously attempting to complete my Master’s degree, I often felt overwhelmed. Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar” became my musical mantra. Listening to it each morning gave me an emotional boost and the strength and courage to face the challenges that were mine each day. Music – a pep rally in C-Minor!

            Don McLean’s “American Pie” refers to the “day the music died.” The music died once again on December 8, 1980 when John Lennon was murdered. I remember feeling shock and disbelief and found it impossible to even fathom how someone could take the life of a talented, peaceful man who musically invited us to Imagine. “Imagine no possessions / I wonder if you can / No need for greed or hunger / A brotherhood of man / You may say I’m a dreamer / But I’m not the only one / I hope someday you’ll join us / And the world will live as one.” Apparently, Mark David Chapman wasn’t feeling the brotherhood of man when he chose to snuff out the light that was Lennon. John Lennon’s “Imagine” became my mourning lament for some time thereafter and is still among my favorite songs.

            My children were raised in an acoustic environment of my musical repertoire and learned to appreciate the classics as well classic rock – old time rock and roll - and still love it today, even though they have developed their own repertoire of today’s music. I watch my children, grown now, enjoying their music, enjoying their lives, and I sometimes feel nostalgic about my children as babies and miss my grandbabies at times that I’m unable see them. No matter how grown up my children have become they will always be my babies, and my job as a mother – everlasting. The Dixie Chicks song, “Lullabye”, sums up those sentiments with lyrical simplicity: “They didn’t have you where I come from / Never knew the best was yet to come / Life began when I saw your face / And I hear your laugh like a serenade / How long do you want to be loved / Is forever enough, is forever enough?” It’s instinctive for parents to feel protective of their children even after their children are grown. I, personally, am a lioness when it comes to protecting my own – ready to pounce on anything or anyone intending them harm. I am not embarrassed to admit that the lyrics from The Grateful Dead’s song, “I Will Take You Home”, occasionally bring a wistful tear to my eye: “Ain’t no way the Bogeyman can get you / You can close your eyes, the world is gonna let you / Your daddy’s here and never will forget you / I will take you home / I will take you home”. Music – life’s lullaby!

            Sometimes, even with all of life’s blessings, it’s possible occasionally to feel loneliness, sadness or even despair. At such times, it’s difficult to resist wallowing in our own self pity. It’s  been my experience that song choices, such as Warren Zevon’s “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me” or Neil Young’s “Helpless”, are particularly appropriate musical accompaniment for pity parties. As Maya Angelou wrote in Gather Together in My Name, “Music was my refuge; I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.”

            However, a more emotionally therapeutic alternative for those morose moments would be to fill the air with uplifting music and joyful songs. My personal preferences for lifting me from doldrums include Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”, Bob Marly’s “Three Little Birds”, Judy Garland’s version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World”, Yael Naim’s “New Soul”, and, of course, Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony”. These choices are emotional and spiritual endorphins – the wine of inspiration – the mythical Bacchus melodiously elevating and intoxicating our mood. It’s as Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poetically proclaimed, “And the night shall be filled with music. And the cares that infest the day shall fold their tents like Arabs and as silently steal away.”

            There are few better ways to take a respite from melancholy, stress and worries than to embark on a tropical get-away or a vacation to any destination with sun, sand and surf. You will need travel tunes to help you transition from work mode to vacation mode. Pop a Jimmy Buffet CD into your car CD player and you will soon be transported to “Margaritaville”, eating a “Cheeseburger in Paradise” – a place where self-indulgence is the rule rather than the exception – a place where it’s perfectly acceptable to have a Corona, a Margarita or even a Vodka Martini in the middle of the day. After all, “it’s five o’clock somewhere.” Jimmy Buffet – musical manna for the beach-going soul!

            These are difficult times that we are living in right now. We are involved in a seemingly endless war and have inherited from the previous presidential administration an economy and environment literally “raped” by government negligence and missteps. We bear witness to contentious and self-serving political bickering and grandstanding that serves only to block President Obama’s policies and initiatives designed to help America and Americans. My musical mantra for the exasperation that I feel with this situation – Bob Dylan’s “The Times They are A’Changin’” and John Mayer’s “Waiting for the World to Change.” Music – the battle hymn for the disenfranchised!

            Being a Baby Boomer – the Woodstock generation – it’s difficult for me to conceive of ever growing old when I still feel young at heart and still possess a rock and roll soul. My musical mantra, and one from which all Boomers can take consolation, includes Five for Fighting’s “100 Years” and Bob Dylan’s comfort classic, “Forever Young”. Music –a mellow fountain of youth!

            If  it’s difficult to fathom the autumn of our lives, it’s even more unpleasant to think about facing death one day. Remember that Paul Simon suggested that music should follow us right on up until we die. I suggest that music should be the soundtrack for our lives even after death. If I were to choose my funereal soundtrack, it would most assuredly include Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, James Blunt’s “Carry You Home”, Sarah MacLachlan’s “Angel”, and Warren Zevon’s “Keep Me in Your Heart”. But, like Scarlett O’Hara, “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

            On a more whimsical and personal note, I must admit that when this Boomer Babe needs a boost to her self esteem, she enjoys listening to The Allman Brothers’ “Sweet Melissa” and foolishly fantasizing that the Bros are singing about her. Silly you say? Well, that’s okay. “Sweet Melissa” is my song, and I am sweet Melissa!

             You see now that there is no disputing the fact that music does indeed define us. It is the musical score to the metaphorical movie that is our lives. Tolstoy believed that music is “the shorthand of emotion.” But Aldous Huxley more precisely captured its impact and essence in his essay, Music at Night: “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”

Picture credit: Stephen Davies

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

           

           

 

Horse Ownership: Some Things You May not Know but Need to Know

 

 

What’s not to love about horses?  Ronald Reagan addressed that question in his own colorful way in stating, “I’ve often said there is nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse.” As a former owner of horses, including a show horse, I can attest to the truth of those words. However, horse ownership is not to be taken lightly. There are things that one needs to know before purchasing a horse for the first time and much to know about ownership and care of a horse.

Need-to-Know Information before Purchasing a Horse

Buying a horse for the first time, especially for those who truly love horses, is an exhilarating experience. However, a first time buyer should be cautious not to jump into buying the first horse that bats his or her big beautiful eyes at him. It’s important for a first-time buyer to purchase a horse that is right for him. Doing so requires some research, some smart and strategic purchasing strategies, and experience with horses. If a first-time buyer lacks a lot of experience in choosing a horse, it would be wise for him to take with him a trusted friend who has experience when looking at a potential horse to purchase. After all, horses require a sizeable commitment of time and money.

How much investment one makes in purchasing a horse depends upon the goal or purpose for having the horse. If the purchaser mostly just wants to ride, have fun, and maybe even compete at a local level, it may be possible to find a good horse for at or under $5000. More serious competitive aspirations or goals, however, may involve a considerably higher purchase investment.

Another financial consideration in horse ownership is the ongoing expense beyond the purchase price. There is the expense of boarding if one doesn’t own his own place to keep horses. Boarding cost can range from complete care which can include feeding, stall maintenance, and perhaps even grooming and exercising of the horse. Self-care is a more cost efficient option as it would only include a place to keep the horse. With such an option, the owner would do all of the feeding, stall maintenance, grooming, and exercising of the horse.

Another expense that must be budgeted is veterinarian care for shots at least twice a year and worming about every two months, as well as regular farrier care or trimming and shoeing. The expense of at least the basic tack and equipment and feeding and bedding for the horse must be budgeted too and is certainly an on-going expense.

Need-to-Know Information for Ownership and Care of a Horse

Horse ownership requires knowing at least the basics of horse care. One must learn the proper strategies for feeding, housing, tying, and caring for the horse. If the first-time horse owner is a novice at these basics, it is necessary that he learn the basics from a friend who has experience with horses or pay for lessons in horse care and maintenance. If the first-time horse owner is a novice rider, he may find it necessary to take some basic riding lessons to avoid injuring himself or stressing or causing injury to the horse.

The basic needs of a horse include safe fencing and pasture in which the horse can happily move around and graze. The pasture should be free of holes, dangerous or rusty farm or other type of equipment, and loose wiring on fences. Horses are social animals, so having the horse among other horses, or even ponies, donkeys, cows, sheep or goats, in the pasture is an important consideration, as well. Proper horse ownership requires seeing that there is enough pasture for adequate grazing or the equivalent of that by providing quality hay. Other essentials for the horse include unlimited access to clean water, minerals, salt, shelter from inclement and wintry conditions, as well as shade from the summer sun. Additional basic needs for a horse include a clean and dry area to lie down and daily monitoring for any injury or illness.

Some Little Known Things and Common Mistakes about Horse Purchase and Ownership

Sometimes after purchasing a horse, the initial enthusiasm wears off. To avoid the mistake of making a long-term commitment to a horse that might be regretted later on, one can sometimes acquire a horse on sort of a trial or short term basis through opting for a full or partial lease. In leasing, one pays either a fixed fee or a portion of the cost of the horse’s care in exchange for riding time on the horse. If one opts for a full lease, he will typically assume all of the expenses and care for the horse. With the partial lease option, the actual owner of the horse remains primarily responsible for such expense and care. One shouldn’t hesitate to ask the seller for a trial period. Some sellers are receptive to that if they have concerns that the horses they are selling go to a good home. It never hurts to ask.

It is unfortunate, but true, that some horse salesman, just like some used car salesman, have earned the reputation of being somewhat untrustworthy individuals known to downplay a horse’s flaws and while hyping attributes. Always remember the motto, “Buyer beware!”

Too many first-time horse buyers make the mistake of purchasing an untrained horse because the price is considerably less for one, and they mistakenly think that they can train the horse themselves. Training a horse takes experience and sometimes months to accomplish. Training is not a job for a novice.

Sometimes a first-time horse buyer, with visions of purchasing a young, fine, noble, and handsome steed upon which he can ride off into the sunset with the wind in his hair, allow that vision cloud to cloud their reason and may pass up on the benefits of purchasing an older horse. Most people don’t realize that an older horse makes a great beginner horse for a child or any novice rider.  It is a fact that many healthy horses can be ridden well into their senior years. This is particularly true when buying a horse for a child. Young, frisky horses and children and novice riders are not a good pairing.

Picture Credit: Cowgirl 13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Irish Drinking Toasts for St. Patrick’s Day

 St. Patrick’s Day is rich in tradition. This article provides information about the holiday and examples of Irish toasts for friendship, luck, happiness, and blessings.

March 17^th is the religious feast day and the anniversary of the death of St. Patrick and has been observed for over a thousand years. Irish families traditionally attended church in the morning and celebrated in the afternoon. Their traditional feast was Irish bacon and cabbage, and there would be much drinking and toasting for luck and happiness. Today, St. Patrick Day is celebrated by Irish and non-Irish alike. It seems that everyone is “Irish” on March 17^th.

History of Toasting

Throughout history and in almost every country, toasting has been used to mark special occasions. The tradition even traces back to biblical times. The first recorded drinking toast was in England in 450 AD. It was made at a feast given by British King Vortigen to his Saxon allies for good health and fortune. Toasting has since evolved in different stages and for different occasions. St. Patrick’s Day is one of those occasions.

History of Irish Toasts

Irish folklore offers many examples of stories, inspiring quotes, and songs about happiness, love and luck. Such inspirational stories and songs have, throughout Irish history, helped the Irish cope with problems and difficult times.  Since Irishmen have always loved celebrating, it is not surprising that some of these inspiring and rousing sayings were transformed into Irish toasts to show support, understanding, and friendship among the traditionally hard-working Irish.

Irish Blessing Toasts

The following famous Celtic blessings and prayers are appropriate for inspirational toasts on St. Patrick’s day, or on any day:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

v  

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

v  

May the blessing of light be on you…
light without and light within.
May the blessed sunlight shine on you
and warm your heart
till it glows like a great peat fire.

v  

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!

Irish Sayings and Funny Toasts

There are many Irish sayings and toasts that are suitable for toasting friendship, happiness, good luck, or for providing humor to the St. Patrick’s Day Celebration.

For friendship and luck:

Wishing you a rainbow
For sunlight after showers—
Miles and miles of Irish smiles
For golden happy hours—
Shamrocks at your doorway
For luck and laughter too,
And a host of friends that never ends
Each day your whole life through!

v  

My friends are the best friends
Loyal, willing and able.
Now let’s get to drinking!
All glasses off the table!

v  

If you’re lucky enough to be Irish,
You’re lucky enough!

v  

May your pockets be heavy,
Your heart be light,
And may good luck pursue you
Each morning and night

v  

May the leprechauns be near you
To spread luck along your way,
And may all the Irish angels
Smile upon you on St. Patrick’s Day

v  

May the luck of the Irish
Lead to happiest heights,
And the highway you travel
Be lined with green lights.

For happiness:

Dance as if no one were watching,
Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last.

v  

May the saddest day of your future be no worse
Than the happiest day of your past.

v  

Health and long life to you.
The wife of your choice to you.
A child every year to you,
And life without rent to you.
And may you be half an hour in heaven
Before the devil knows your dead.

v  

May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door.

v  

May your heart be light and happy,
May your smile be big and wide,
And may your pockets always have
a coin or two inside!

For humor:

There are many good reasons for drinking,
One has just entered my head.
If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
How in the hell can he drink when he's dead?

v  

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer – and another one!

In summary, Irish or non-Irish alike can observe and better enjoy the holiday by continuing the tradition of toasting one another with such tributes to and wishes for blessings, good fortune, and happiness.

 

Picture credit: Tegan Jones

 

 

Finding True Love: Does Everyone Have a Soul Mate?

 

 

Many men and women spend their lives looking for that special life partner, that kindred spirit, that soul mate with whom they can share life and love. Even South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, in his press conference after his own indiscretion, claimed to have found his soul mate in his Argentine paramour. Do we all have a soul mate? How will we recognize our soul mate when and if we encounter him or her?

It would be difficult indeed to find a soul mate if you were to accept the theory of soul mates presented by Aristophanes. In Plato’s Symposium, Aristophanes asserted that human beings originally consisted of four arms, four legs, and one head made up of two faces. According to his theory, Zeus, fearing their power, split them all in half and condemned them to live their lives searching for the other half to complete them. 

In reality, a soul mate is generally considered to be someone with whom you share abiding love, affinity and intimacy. Your soul mate would be a kindred spirit. It would be impossible to recognize your soul mate, even if he or she were standing right in front of you, if you did not first know yourself. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  To find your soul mate, you must first examine your own life. You must know what you want out of life, what type of a person with whom you want to share your life, and, above all, you must know what makes you happy.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” It’s sad, but true, that making up your mind to be happy may very well involve altering your expectations. If you expect less, you are more apt to be happy with what you have. In finding a soul mate, you must have realistic expectations as to a suitable person to fill that bill, as none of us are perfect. A good starting point for finding a soul mate is to foster lasting friendships first.

  “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”  Henry David Thoreau’s immortal words have no gender. Desperate women and men!  Biological clock ticking! Have to find love!  What most women and men don’t realize is that when they get into this sort of frantic race with life, the desperation consumes them.  The serendipitous nature of their lives becomes the first casualty of a frenzied need to make love happen. The second casualty is their approachability by any dating prospect.  I believe that women and men sense desperation in one another, and such desperation is detrimental to the search for love.  I will always remember the words of a gentleman in a night club who chose to approach me, in particular, when I was surrounded by scores of lovely ladies that night.  He later confessed that he was drawn to me because I didn’t seem to be “looking”.  He said that my demeanor suggested that I might already be taken even though there was no bodily evidence there to support such a claim.  Men, competitive creatures that they are, love a challenge.  If a man senses that a woman has another man waiting in the wings (whether she really does or not), it makes the prize seem all the more precious.  I have a history of five engagements, four of which ended in marriages, to back my contention.   

As a college student, I was three months into an engagement to marry a very serious-minded fellow when I met the young men who lived in the apartment above my roommates and me.  One I found particularly interesting. He was charmingly humorous and a stark contrast to my fiancé. 

One day, he had come downstairs to my apartment under the premise of borrowing something when I heard my fiancé drive up.  It wouldn’t have been necessary to resort to such drastic measures, but I chose to ask my new acquaintance to hide under the bed when my fiancé came to the door to pick me up. I think that my new friend found this Vaudevillian maneuver in the face of competition captivating and challenging.  He decided to pursue a relationship with me. 

To the victors go the spoils, as they say.  I eventually broke my engagement and later married the man I had stashed beneath the bed.  However, probably due to youth and haste in judgment, the marriage ended in divorce, as did two more successive marriages. The one common thread, however, that I believe made it possible for me to be on the receiving end of five marriage proposals in the first place was that I never wore the badge of desperation - that my life would be incomplete without a man.  In retrospect, I think that I always gave potential suitors the impression, whether it was true or not, that there was always somebody else waiting in the wings – or under the bed.

Yes, I think everyone has a soul mate somewhere.  But don’t be consumed with the search. Just live and enjoy your life and keep yourself open to friendships and receptive to all possibilities. I’m currently enjoying my fourth and final marriage. I found my soul mate in a lifelong friend. This marriage will last because it was born, not of youthful impulse from an unexamined life, but of the wisdom gained from experiencing life’s roller coaster ride with a kindred spirit of many years.



 

Picture credit: Gabriella Fabbri





Tipping Guide: How to Tip for Every Circumstance

Knowing the proper tipping etiquette is important to anyone receiving personal services. These etiquette tips for personal services will provide the reader with gratuity protocol.

“When we can't get away for a vacation, we get the same feeling by staying home and tipping every person that smiles.” I must credit the source of this clever quote to Susie Spanos of the website Famous Quotes and Authors. It whimsically captures the exasperation and confusion we sometimes feel about gratuities or tipping etiquette.

I remember when I took my mother on a trip to Atlantic City. She became frustrated at feeling obligated to put a tip in the tip jar of the Casino’s restroom attendants every time she needed to use the facility. She asked me if it was necessary. I explained to my mother that restroom attendants provide  somewhat of a personal service by maintaining  the cleanliness of the restroom and by being of assistance  when needed. I explained to her that the restroom attendants probably make a very low salary and the tips help supplement that. My mother responded with her typical wry wit, “I’ll give them a tip – Get a different job!”

Not knowing the proper tip to provide for a particular service can make you as confused and exasperated as my mother was in the Casino restroom. This is a guide for those who want to tip and want to know the customary amount. This article covers some of the main tipping options or opportunities.

Tipping at Restaurants and Bars:

It is customary to tip10-15% on alcoholic drinks and 15-20% on food. Tipping 10% on the wine is perfectly acceptable. Deciding whether to tip the wine steward 10 or 15 % for the wine depends mostly on how helpful the server was in choosing the wine and serving it. Tip your waiter/ waitress 15 to 20 %, and tip the same amount for counter service. Your cocktail server and bartender should be tipped 15 to 20%. For free drinks in some Casinos, you should tip one to two dollars per round. It is customary to tip the restroom attendants and coat check attendants one dollar. Don’t feel obligated to tip the busboy unless he had to provide an extra special service such as cleaning up a mess that was above and beyond the call of duty. Tipping the Maitre d’ is unnecessary as well, unless he secures a special table for you or he provides seating for you in a fully booked dining room when you had no reservation. Tipping a musician that visits your table is discretionary, unless he played a special request. If such is the case, it is customary to tip him two or three dollars.

Tipping at Airports and on Amtrak:

If you are unaccustomed to traveling,  knowing when and whom to tip at the airport or on Amtrak can be unsettling. If you are traveling by air, the first place where you will encounter the gratuity dilemma is at the airport. It is customary to tip the porter or skycap two dollars per bag, or more if the bags are heavier than normal. Paying two dollars extra for curbside check-in is discretionary. If you arrive late and the porter or skycap helps you get to your flight on time, tip an extra five to twenty dollars. It is not necessary to tip charter pilots, flight attendants or other in-flight personnel.

If you are traveling by Amtrak, it is recommended that you tip dining car waiters, stewards and bar car waiters 15% of the bill. Tip porters one dollar per bag. If you are traveling in a sleeper birth, tip the sleeping car attendant five dollars per passenger per day.

Tipping at Hotels:

When staying in a hotel, tip the valet or parking attendant one to two dollars for parking or returning your car. If the Doorman or the Bellman for the hotel helps you with your bags in or out of your car, tip him one dollar per bag, but if he carries them to your room, tip him one to two dollars per bag.  If he hails you a cab, one to two dollars is a fair tip. For room service, if the gratuity is not included, tip 15 to 20% of the total bill. Tip hotel maids three to five dollars per day. If you are especially messy, tip up to ten dollars per day. It is customary to tip maids daily because you may have a different maid each day. Be sure to tip on the last day as well. If the hotel Concierge helps you with particularly hard to get theatre tickets or dinner reservations, tip him or her five to ten dollars, which can be made at the end of the stay or at the time of the service.

Tipping on Cruise Ships:

Check cruise ship policy in advance, but most tipping of staff for services rendered is done at the end of the cruise. Tip waiters and cabin stewards three dollars per day, per person. Don’t forget the bus boy. You should tip him $1.50 per person, per day. Tipping the Maitre d’ is optional. Normally a 15% gratuity is automatically added to your bill to cover the tip for the Bar Steward.

Tipping for Ground Transportation:

The customary tip for taxi, limousine, shuttle, or van driver is 15% of the total fare. You may want to tip up to 20% if the driver helps with the bags. Check limousine policy in advance because the rate charged for limos frequently includes gratuity.

Tipping at Hair Salons and Spas:

There are a variety of services offered in hair salons and spas. Tip your hair stylist 10 to 20%. If an assistant other than your stylist shampoos your hair, tip him or her two to five dollars, and make sure you give the tip directly to the assistant. The customary tip for a manicure or facial is 15%. Normally you should tip the spa massage therapist 10 to 15%. If you have purchased a spa package and the gratuity is not included, tip 15 to 20% to be split among the various service providers.

Tipping for Deliveries:

If you are having furniture or appliances delivered to your home, you should tip five to ten dollars per person. For flower deliveries, it is customary to tip anywhere from two to five dollars for normal size flower deliveries. For especially large flower deliveries, tip $20.00. For food and liquor deliveries, you should tip 15%, but never less than two dollars. For your daily newspaper delivery, it is customary to give only a Christmas bonus of $25.00 to $50.00.

Miscellaneous Services:

Tip the person who washed your car at the car wash two to three dollars per car. If your car is an SUV, tip three to five dollars. Tip the groomer of your pet 15% of the bill or two dollars per dog. Tipping pet sitters is discretionary, but if you do, you should tip the sitter 15%.

Tip Jars:

Dealing with tip jars can be really perplexing because we are beginning to see them everywhere. I get particularly perturbed at tip jars on the counter at coffee shops, such as Starbucks. Tip jars are out of place in coffee shops, such as Starbucks, fast food restaurants or any restaurant that does not actually bring your food or drink to your table. Tipping is not necessary in such establishments.

In conclusion, remember that gratuities are discretionary. If you don't think tipping is necessary in certain situations, then don't tip. If you think tipping in general is foolish and a nuisance, then don't tip. Remember, however, that tips help out workers who do a personal service for you. Such workers generally make a low income salary.  Though you aren’t morally obligated to tip, if you are using a service that is commonly known to be a service dependent upon gratuities, such as restaurants, bars, hair salons, valet parking and a few others, then one could argue that you should feel a moral obligation to tip if you were given good service.

Picture credit: Foxumon